A Lot can Change in 30 Days

I am starting one of the Darebee Programs.  It’s called 30 Days of Change.  Below is the description of the program.

“30 Days of Change program is designed to change your exercise habits as well as the way you look and feel – in a month. It is completely 100% equipment free. Different daily programs will ensure that your body doesn’t adapt to the same routine so you’ll see progress a lot sooner than with any other program.

30 Days of Change is designed for weight loss and toning up, it is pretty intense but it keeps the day-to-day routines balanced and just hard enough to keep your body changing. A different daily regimen helps you get the best results for the given amount of time. This program includes a lot of outside cardio so you have to be prepared to get outside from time to time and walk, jog or run. Some days consist of two parts, bodyweight and cardio routines – you can do one after the other or do one in the morning and one in the evening.”

I am starting this tomorrow since it’s 8:37PM EST and I’m going to bed in about 90 mins (basically after I’m done writing, rewriting, proofreading-ish this post).   I am pretty psyched since I haven’t gone to a trainer (funds have been low) and this looks actually do-able.

I also took a look at their meal plan page .  I am going to do their Modern Hero Diet plan.  It appears to be sustainable and something that I could get into.  It’s not super restrictive, but it gives you recipes to all the meals they are telling you to have (which are like 6-8 choices)  which is nice.  They also have a nutrition page and a recipes page .

Going back to the last post of not believing, I am slowly starting to.  I have seen progress (slow progress) with what I have been doing and now I really want to kick it up a notch.

I will report back (weekly) on how things are going…

I also wanted to disclaim this before anyone says anything – I am not part of the darebee project/website/company.  I am someone who came across it and thought it would be a good place to start for someone who doesn’t have a trainer or a nutritionist….

Keep killin those calories




So, What’s Keeping You From Starting?

In one of my fitness groups on Facebook, someone posed a question.

So what’s keeping you from starting?

It’s a really big question because you have to be completely honest with yourself. Below is part of my response…

“My relationship with myself. Thinking I am not worth it. Not truly believing I can lose the wieght. And then turning to the emotional eating when my father and the guy who I considered my 2nd dad passed away. Having ankle surgery that made a profound negative impact on me losing weight because I gained everything I lost plus losing all the muscle and all the cardio I could do prior to it.

When you’ve been overweight for so long you become comfortable, not necessarily complacent because none of us REALLY want to be here. But its the changes that also scare me. How people will perceive me. How mad and upset I’ll be when I get treated better when I lose the weight because then I will ask myself, why wasn’t I good enough before.

I am seeking professional therapy to address the self worth issue. But for me I guess that is the root. As silly or crazy [as it sounds], when you are beaten down by other people and yourself for so long, you start believing you can’t do it or aren’t worth it.

But I hit rock bottom. I have been emotionally eating for the past two months and today,for the first time ever, I had to get a seat belt extender for the airplane. I literally wanted to cry when I asked for it. So, it’s making a conscious decision to just go through the motions of going to the gym and eating better (most of the time). And not beat myself up over if I have cheerios instead of egg whites or having a beer instead of seltzer water with lime.”

What a lot of people don’t understand is the mental aspect of losing significant amount of weight.  Because you do question, “why wasn’t I worth it before?”  “why am I a better person now that I have lost the weight?”  “Can I really do it?”  The inner struggle with yourself is huge.  I am self aware enough that I am seeking professional help during this time of immense change.  I have to be forgiving of myself and and be okay with the choices I make.  Even if they aren’t the best ones.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
~ Ghandi

I know I have to start changing my beliefs.  Start believing in myself. In that I can achieve my goals and not be ashamed of them either.  I know I already posted Hailee Steinfield’s song – Love Myself, but I really need to listen to this and Rachel Platten’s Fight Song.  Both are strong messages of believing in yourself and to fight for what you want.

Keep on killing those calories…

I am a Phoenix.



In Greek mythology, a phoenix or phenix (Greek: φοῖνιξ phoinix) is a long-lived bird that is cyclically regenerated or reborn. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. According to some sources, the phoenix dies in a show of flames and combustion, although there are other sources that claim that the legendary bird dies and simply decomposes before being born again.
(taken from Wikipedia)

Today I am a phoenix.  The old me as died and today, the new me has been reborn.  I started taking the steps towards my goals, even if they are baby steps.  I won’t lie, I have terrible confidence in myself when it comes to losing weight.  I will have doubts if I can and if I will.  But I created a new and better support group to help me through it.  To push me when I need to be pushed and to always encourage me.  I let go of some people and I am working on my negative thoughts and my harsh self criticism (we are our own worst critics…).  It won’t be easy, but I think I’m finally at a place where I can actually achieve my goals.

So to kick it off , I am starting again with the 24 day Advocare challenge.  Third time is a charm.

Are you ready to fight? Nothing can stop this now.. Killing those calories, one step at a time…


The September has been the worst month I’ve had in a long time.  I fell off the wagon.  I ate my way through 15+ days of sadness.  I attempted to work out more to compensate.  I got the start of stress fractures in both, yes both, of my feet.  I was told I need to take inflammation pills and I couldn’t run my half marathon I’ve been training for.   I can’t watch or play soccer without coming home and crying.

I am hoping Oct will be better.  I absolutely feel like something has to give – either I will just give up or I’ll get my shit together.  Either way, something has to give.


Because I care….

Sept 4th, 2015 – The 2nd greatest man in my life passed away.

Sept 10th, 2015 – We buried the 2nd greatest man in my life.

The last two weeks have been the 2nd worst two weeks of my life.  I emotional ate my way through them. I ate like shit.  I walked and did a few “runs”, but nothing made the pain go away.  I still felt like shit afterwards.  I started foam rolling and a couple of simple yoga poses hoping to help with my physical pain (God I forgot how much it hurt to just jump back into working out).  But nothing really helped.  So I sat down and I cried.  I cried for a long time.  I allowed myself to just feel all the pain, all the sadness that came with losing someone that close and to allow the pain that resurfaced from when my father passed away to come.  To embrace it all and to let it go.  Afterwards, there was still a dull feeling of sadness, but it was better.  I knew that this was a chance to start new again.

Now, I decided to get back on track. I’ve walked at least 2 miles every day since Saturday. Eating (a healthy) breakfast.  Good snacks.  Healthy lunches and dinners.  Being okay with eating other things as well (in moderation… ) and drinking.  I am going to get back on the wagon and start training.  I need to start caring and loving myself.  It is what he would have wanted.

So here’s to start fresh, loving myself, and killing those calories.. one day at a time…


Today I found out that the man who I consider my 2nd dad has relapsed and his cancer has spread further in his body.  He is refusing anymore treatments and will be moved to hospice this coming week.  I was asked by his wife to stop by before the end of next week at their house.  I have a feeling they don’t think he is going to last very long.  I have a feeling in my bones I’m going to be losing the man who after my father passed away, took over his role.


When I was 14 years old my father passed away.  He was a closet alcoholic.  Which means that I thought dad was just fun.  I didn’t realize that there was an issue. I didn’t realize he was drunk.  I just thought he was dad and he was happy all the time.  I was his princess. He made sure that I had everything that I wanted.  He would always do the “shhh don’t tell mom…”  “sure here is an extra $20”  He was my hero, regardless of the disease that would eventually take his life.

So today, I found out that the man who took upon himself to take me under his wings to ensure I would stay on the straight and narrow.  The man who taught me the passion I have for soccer.  The man who helped me out during my first adult heartbreak. That man, as strong as he was, is now needing me to be strong for him.

dadToday I did a 3.5 mile hike after I found out and will dedicate both my half marathon and my journey to get soccer fit to this man, who wanted nothing but for me to succeed in everything that I did.  BUT tonight I will drink and binge eat my emotions away (or poo/puke trying).

Tomorrow will be a new day and I still be sad and hurting, but I will use that to help fuel all of my workouts.  To help me be strong for when I see him when I get home (I’m currently traveling for work…).

So as I get through the coming weeks with this, I am going to be pushing myself harder when I train.  When I run.  When I lift.  When I play soccer. Because I want to make sure that I make Tabor and my dad proud of who I am and who I am becoming.

Kill those calories.


This reminds me of when we’re at the coaching clinic drinking together…

A Year from Today, You’ll Wish You Started Today

Man, that title hits the nail on the head on how I feel today.  I wish I started a (several) year(s) ago. I think about the “what if’s”.  What if I actually ate what I needed to eat?  What if I stuck to a workout plan?  What if I actually believed in myself?  Those “what if’s” suck.  And then I realize that those “what if’s” aren’t going to help with the “right now’s”  Right now, I’m doing the Advocare 24 day Challenge.  Right now, I am working out (running/spinning/weight lifting) 3-4 days a week.  Right now, I’m eating probably 60/40 and will continue to creep closer to eating 80/20.  Right now, I am going to start believing I can lose the weight.  Right now, I am not where I was a year ago.  And right now, one of the things that I know I’m going to struggle with is traveling.

Today (well technically last night) is my first day traveling since I started the Advocare 24 day Challenge.  The last time I attempted this, I struggled.  Hard.  But this time around, it seems to be easier. I worked with my coach/friend Jess on putting together little baggies.  Organizing each day into one little ziplock baggie helps (yes I am a 12 yr old child).  Then also packing extra Spark and the meal replacement shakes (MOCHA CHOCOLATE!!!).  I was worried that I was going to get stopped by TSA (one of my friends was stopped on his way to FL because they thought it was drugs.. haha the illegal kind). Thankfully I wasn’t. 🙂

The hardest part of traveling was the eating out all the time.  I would pick the worst dishes at every meal.  So I sat down and started working out what I should be eating.  Breakfast should be easy – Marriot hotels provide a hot breakfast which would consist of eggs, bacon/ham/sausage, and an assortment of cereal, breads, muffins, etc.  I decided doing a protein and fruit only breakfasts. Lunches will be salads with some type of protein OR some type of protein/veggie combo. Dinners are where I will allow myself some type of carb along with a protein/veggie.  While my eating still needs to be worked on (eating out all the time is tough) I am remembering to take the supplements and also getting in the 5 “meals” (I break up the meal replacement shake into two snacks).  I might start replacing dinner, when I’m not out with the team, with a meal replacement shake.  It might just make it easier and keep the calorie count down.

As for the workouts,  I decided that I needed to start using the hotel gym.  Running outside isn’t really a good idea since I’m not too familiar with the area.  I am going to do the 15-20 mins workouts via Nike Training App and 30-45 mins on the treadmill or elliptical.  I am going to say I am going to pledge to do this 2 out of the four nights I travel and then when I’m home, I’ll be dedicating one workout session with my trainer (FrankieFit… I still need a new nickname for him).

Now some fun stuff. Two of my co-workers have gone into two fitness challenges with me.

1-  The first challenge is that I need to lose 30 lbs before our company meeting and my co-worker will buy me a beer (hahaha food reward).  I started this bet about 45 days ago.  I still need to lose about 20ish lbs (depend son the day and my salt intake…)  Challenge end date is Sept 30th.  I am basically going to need to do cardio almost every day till then.  womp womp woommmppp.

2- Then the second challenge is to lose 80lbs by our company’s Spring Trip.  The reward is we get new outfits and will dance on the Coyote Ugly bar (I will put pics and MAYBE videos.)  Challenge end date: Approx mid April.

I am pretty excited.  It adds to fuel to the fire. Helps me gain confidence in myself that I can do this.

So while I wished I started a year (or several years ago), I am where I am right now.  And right now, I’m going to kill those calories.