Today I found out that the man who I consider my 2nd dad has relapsed and his cancer has spread further in his body.  He is refusing anymore treatments and will be moved to hospice this coming week.  I was asked by his wife to stop by before the end of next week at their house.  I have a feeling they don’t think he is going to last very long.  I have a feeling in my bones I’m going to be losing the man who after my father passed away, took over his role.


When I was 14 years old my father passed away.  He was a closet alcoholic.  Which means that I thought dad was just fun.  I didn’t realize that there was an issue. I didn’t realize he was drunk.  I just thought he was dad and he was happy all the time.  I was his princess. He made sure that I had everything that I wanted.  He would always do the “shhh don’t tell mom…”  “sure here is an extra $20”  He was my hero, regardless of the disease that would eventually take his life.

So today, I found out that the man who took upon himself to take me under his wings to ensure I would stay on the straight and narrow.  The man who taught me the passion I have for soccer.  The man who helped me out during my first adult heartbreak. That man, as strong as he was, is now needing me to be strong for him.

dadToday I did a 3.5 mile hike after I found out and will dedicate both my half marathon and my journey to get soccer fit to this man, who wanted nothing but for me to succeed in everything that I did.  BUT tonight I will drink and binge eat my emotions away (or poo/puke trying).

Tomorrow will be a new day and I still be sad and hurting, but I will use that to help fuel all of my workouts.  To help me be strong for when I see him when I get home (I’m currently traveling for work…).

So as I get through the coming weeks with this, I am going to be pushing myself harder when I train.  When I run.  When I lift.  When I play soccer. Because I want to make sure that I make Tabor and my dad proud of who I am and who I am becoming.

Kill those calories.


This reminds me of when we’re at the coaching clinic drinking together…


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